The warrior's guide to survival

Good Spooky-eve darling, We have just had the Best Summer Ever.  Not only did the sun shine brightly upon us, giving us a healthy glow and turning my pallor into a tan the equivalent if yours, but it was the last stint of freedom for us before the pressures of school and work kicked in.  We revelled in each other's company, just hanging out together and playing, swimming outdoors and visiting new and old places. You were delighted to be able to swim confidently with only your shark's fin on, and I was so proud of your new-found skill.  You learned to write your own name, and mine too, and even before school began you were spelling words out loud and trying to read.  You've always had an interest in words, right from when you were small you've asked me what things say.  You've never shown much interest in drawing, but you enthusiastically craft me loving written notes, in big confident letters, and roll them up,and deliver them to me shyly, and then ooze pride a

Hello Gorgeous, Well, I did it, we went to the butterfly house and though I felt I had to leave after a third of the way round, I still did it.  It was uncomfortable, but I did it, and I am much less reactive around butterflies and other fluttery creatures now.  I even took you to an owl handling session.  I held the little owl but you did all three, even the really big one.  You told me that it's wings cooled your head down.  I was so proud of you, you didn't really understand why I could only hold the small one but I explained that it was like you, when you come to a climbing frame that is big and new.  First you climb part way up, and I help you down.  Next time you might climb to the top, and I help you down and then the next time you probably go all over the top and down the other side with no help at all.  Slowly does it. Anyway, I digress, because the reason I wanted to write today is to demonstrate to you and thank you for all the new things that you have brought i

Hello Darling, You crazy, wild, free-spirited wondrous child you.  When you were born I thought I could never love more than I loved you but every day, every week, every little thing I learn about you and every new thing you learn and do I love you more and more and more.  Before I became a mum all I heard was "children ruin your life/stop you doing things/wreck your body" and I wonder how anyone could think such things.  Sure, parenthood has challenges, but since you were born my life has changed for the better and just keeps getting happier and happier every day.  Rather than stopping me doing things, being a parent has opened new doors for me, in blogging, socially, and most important spiritually and mentally.  Understanding you and helping you to be the best person you can be is an exciting task, ans one which brings me the reward of pride and amazement in your wonderful self.  A couple of months ago all we seemed to be doing as shouting at each other.  I sat back

Hello my Big Boy 4, You were thrilled to bits to finally reach the Big Boy status of Four Years Old.  Now you are even stronger, braver and cleverer than ever before.  When I write your name it must ALWAYS be followed by a great BIG 4.  My little darling, you won't let me call you baby any more, even when I explain that baby is not me calling you a newborn but me giving you pet name indicating my love for you.  You'll still be my baby when you are SIXTY-four.  Which is OK, because you tell me you want to live with me forever, and I tell you that you can live with me for as long as you want.  For "fifty-ten years", you say, and I say, I really hope that we are still living together then, because I will be one hundred years old.  Any big thing, be it distance, or age or height, is ten.  Ten must seem to be a very big number for you  right now.  You know your numbers perfectly, both recited and written and you are grasping simple mathematics which amazes me.  You kn

It's pretty common knowledge, that abusers use the court systems to get to their victims. After all, it's all about control, and how better to control an ex partner, who has escaped from you, than use the law to ensure she is in a certain place at a certain time. Sometimes it's the family courts, sometimes a civil matter. They know you will be scared, and in my case, the perpetrator admitted in a letter that he was sexually aroused by seeing me in court. Escaping a domestic violence situation is a brave thing to do, not least because you know the perpetrator will be furious with you for getting away. You may have a non molestation order in place, which they may or may not be adhering to but one way they can ensure that they are close to you is by taking you to the court. If you have a child together the easiest way will be to initiate a contact hearing. This ensures that they will at least be able to control your movements once every two or three months for

You wake up in the morning, and open the curtains to see the sunlight pouring in. Or the rain, pouring down.  You get up, have breakfast, get ready, leave the house, walk the dog, come back and relax or play with your family.  A typical day. What it's like to be a domestic violence/stalking/harassment victim: You wake up in the morning, and open the curtains. You scan the street too check whether anything is different or out of place.  You do the same when the downstairs curtains are opened, if you dare.  You carry your phone and keys on your person at all times.  You turn the telly on so that you aren't jumping at every little noise outside.  You have breakfast and plan to leave the house.  You set your Panic Guard, check out of the windows to see if anyone is lurking around.  If you are lucky and have a clever dog you can send him out first and watch for his signals. You make sure your rape alarm is within reach.  You check the car and test the brakes before you leave th