The warrior's guide to survival

Dear Twitter friends Thank you for all your support today, and generally in my life. I thought that maybe I’d fill you in on some of the background that led to my sitting in that windowless room today as my solicitor scuttled in and out with various snippets of news that could affect the life of my son and I forever. It was the tail end of a long long drama that was my relationship with Cubs father, D, details of which I may or may not blog about in the future. I am going to attempt a condensed version of the past two years. Early 2009, we had been sleeping in different bedrooms for quite some time. Our relationship was not even as good as housemates really, I had tired of his ways and we led separate existences, getting together only to argue about some point or other, usually me, probably, chasing him to pull his weight around the house or contribute towards the bills. On the night before his birthday that year, I got a nasty case of sickness and diarrhoea, I won’t go into ...

Dear Son, I started this blog to try and capture some of the magic that is happening as you make the transition from ickle baby to big strong boy. So far i've been a bit rubbish. You may have noticed, mummy is a bit rubbish, sometimes. But I try my best, and this past year I've been far too occupied with keeping you alive and happy. Do you notice that i sometimes just sit and watch you play? i never tire of watching you, you fascinate me and amaze me, every second of every day. i have seen you transform from a little pink-faced helpless thing to a big strong toddler, so full of character and spirit. from the day you were born your personality shone out, you lifted your head and looked around, a thing that new babies are not supposed to be able to do. you strained to sit up, and even though you couldn't sit unaided, you loved it when i held you on my lap in a sitting position, so that you could see what was going on around you. i dont think you will ever know ho...

well, this 15 mins a day thing hasn't been going too well, has it? I'm going to have to start blogging from my phone - recently littleun has been rather demanding of my time, the little ike - he's getting livelier by the day. anyway, it's probably a good thing that Ive been away for a bit, I've had a horribly upsetting couple of weeks. i arranged to meet babyfather (in public, due to previous harassment and domestic violence incidents). i thought, what can possibly go wrong with swimming - a good father child bonding experience and a public place to protect mummy. well, he turned up late ( wasn't going to go swimming at all till i told him i was going and that's that). i was going to meet some friends after so i took pity on his sorry ass and said he could come along. he seemed OK , quite normal but when i told him i was going to drop him home it all kicked off - he didn't want to go home etc etc ( hmmm remind anyone of a childish ...

8. the way, when he wakes up and sees me, that his face explodes into a look of pure joy 9. the way he giggles when i undress him 10. the way he moulds himself into my neck and shoulder when he sleep, and becomes heavy but wont be put down on his own. ahh , i love my boy with every inch of my being. hopefully i'll be up in time to help with some anti bnp leafletting tomorrow - i should do what i can to help ensure that the world i bring my son into is at least not filled with hate. it breaks my heart already to know that at some point in his life, that someone will be horrible to him. then i have said ill take lilttleun to see his paternal grandmother, a trip i am not looking forward to because of the nastiness with his dad, whom i expect will also be there. nothing would make me happier than to bring my boy up with no involvement from that side of the family but i know that is not fair so i will make some effort at least. not that ill get any thanks for it and probably...