Letter to my son
Dear Son,
I started this blog to try and capture some of the magic that is happening as you make the transition from ickle baby to big strong boy. So far i've been a bit rubbish. You may have noticed, mummy is a bit rubbish, sometimes. But I try my best, and this past year I've been far too occupied with keeping you alive and happy. Do you notice that i sometimes just sit and watch you play? i never tire of watching you, you fascinate me and amaze me, every second of every day. i have seen you transform from a little pink-faced helpless thing to a big strong toddler, so full of character and spirit. from the day you were born your personality shone out, you lifted your head and looked around, a thing that new babies are not supposed to be able to do. you strained to sit up, and even though you couldn't sit unaided, you loved it when i held you on my lap in a sitting position, so that you could see what was going on around you.
i dont think you will ever know how special you are, the pain and the suffering of pregnancy and the long long time you took to arrive all added extra meaning to you, you and me were meant to be, you are the baby i always dreamed of and never hoped that i would have. no, i take that back, because you are all i dreamed of and more and in my wildest fantasies i could never have invented such a perfect little human being as you have turned out to be.
when you lie next to me sleeping, i could spend all night just drinking you up with my eyes, soaking up every detail on your perfect little body. your fingers, when they were new, were so small, pink and curly and i called them your prawny fingers. then they grew into proper 'boy' fingers and i imagine a million and one things that those fingers are going to do. your hands are so strong and practical looking, not long and slim like your dads or long and knobbly like mine but the kind of hands that will make things and do things.
you've got my legs and feet, definitely, your chunky thighs and your curly big toes are from me, i'm afraid, but your feet are the most perfect feet i have ever seen. from the top, from the side, from underneath, i can watch those little feet pottering about their business every day. i quite like it sometimes that you keep pulling your footwear off, because i can watch the little pads of your toes go wriggling all over the floor as you explore your surroundings and play with your toys. i always give them a kiss, don't i, when i change your nappy? and think how they will one day turn into stinky teenage feet. but for the moment i am enjoying them. your legs amaze me at the moment. when i first took you to baby massage, there was hardly enough leg to rub and now they seem to go on for miles. you were standing up from about eight months, and pressing up on your legs before then, you just wanted a better vantage point didn't you, my curious angel? your legs have gone from baby-chub to a leaner muscle, but although you did a tiny step the day before yesterday, we are all waiting for you to just get up and go one day, which you will do soon. no rush, in your own time, darling, it's just so exciting.
when you were born, you had hair all over your forehead and down your cheeks like sideburns but thankfully that has all gone. yo had no proper eyebrows, and you were born with no eyelashes, and eyes that didn't weep when you cried. the the most delicious eyelashes appeared, and with them tears that break my heart every tie they appear. not that you cry very much, you are the happiest soul, you bring smiles and love everywhere you go, with your cheeky grin and delectable dimples. everybody loves you, but you already know who loves you the most don't you? your face, i could look at that face without blinking for a million years and never tire of it. you are going to break hearts with that face of yours. one minute you look so serious, studying something really hard, and having a very good long think, and then you break into a smile, as sudden and as dazzling as the sunniest summers day ever and it is as though the room is filled with a million rays of sunshine. i would walk a gazillion miles for that smile of yours, and just seeing it makes my heart feel as light and as happy as i could ever be.
my whole life i have waited for you, you are the missing piece in my jigsaw and i really hope, with all my living being, that i am doing everything right for you, i am trying so hard to be the best mummy ever and i hope so much i mess it up, as i have messed up so many other things in my life. or maybe that was all just preparation for the journey we are embarking no together, who knows.
what i do know, is i love you, a love so strong, pure and innocent that only a mother could understand. i would die for you a million times over and suffer so that you don't have to but my dream is that i see you grow old and wrinkly, happy and successful in whatever you choose to do. i have made so many mistakes in my life so that you don't have to and one day i may tell you all about them, but not now, my cherub, you are far too young.
you are sleeping peacefully now and i am going to join you and take a good look at you at the end of today, because tomorrow is a new adventure, and i'm sure you have lots of new and amazing things in store for me. you woke me with a kiss this morning, and i will say goodnight with a kiss very shortly. see you in the morning petal,
sweet dreams,
mummy xxxxxx
I started this blog to try and capture some of the magic that is happening as you make the transition from ickle baby to big strong boy. So far i've been a bit rubbish. You may have noticed, mummy is a bit rubbish, sometimes. But I try my best, and this past year I've been far too occupied with keeping you alive and happy. Do you notice that i sometimes just sit and watch you play? i never tire of watching you, you fascinate me and amaze me, every second of every day. i have seen you transform from a little pink-faced helpless thing to a big strong toddler, so full of character and spirit. from the day you were born your personality shone out, you lifted your head and looked around, a thing that new babies are not supposed to be able to do. you strained to sit up, and even though you couldn't sit unaided, you loved it when i held you on my lap in a sitting position, so that you could see what was going on around you.
i dont think you will ever know how special you are, the pain and the suffering of pregnancy and the long long time you took to arrive all added extra meaning to you, you and me were meant to be, you are the baby i always dreamed of and never hoped that i would have. no, i take that back, because you are all i dreamed of and more and in my wildest fantasies i could never have invented such a perfect little human being as you have turned out to be.
when you lie next to me sleeping, i could spend all night just drinking you up with my eyes, soaking up every detail on your perfect little body. your fingers, when they were new, were so small, pink and curly and i called them your prawny fingers. then they grew into proper 'boy' fingers and i imagine a million and one things that those fingers are going to do. your hands are so strong and practical looking, not long and slim like your dads or long and knobbly like mine but the kind of hands that will make things and do things.
you've got my legs and feet, definitely, your chunky thighs and your curly big toes are from me, i'm afraid, but your feet are the most perfect feet i have ever seen. from the top, from the side, from underneath, i can watch those little feet pottering about their business every day. i quite like it sometimes that you keep pulling your footwear off, because i can watch the little pads of your toes go wriggling all over the floor as you explore your surroundings and play with your toys. i always give them a kiss, don't i, when i change your nappy? and think how they will one day turn into stinky teenage feet. but for the moment i am enjoying them. your legs amaze me at the moment. when i first took you to baby massage, there was hardly enough leg to rub and now they seem to go on for miles. you were standing up from about eight months, and pressing up on your legs before then, you just wanted a better vantage point didn't you, my curious angel? your legs have gone from baby-chub to a leaner muscle, but although you did a tiny step the day before yesterday, we are all waiting for you to just get up and go one day, which you will do soon. no rush, in your own time, darling, it's just so exciting.
when you were born, you had hair all over your forehead and down your cheeks like sideburns but thankfully that has all gone. yo had no proper eyebrows, and you were born with no eyelashes, and eyes that didn't weep when you cried. the the most delicious eyelashes appeared, and with them tears that break my heart every tie they appear. not that you cry very much, you are the happiest soul, you bring smiles and love everywhere you go, with your cheeky grin and delectable dimples. everybody loves you, but you already know who loves you the most don't you? your face, i could look at that face without blinking for a million years and never tire of it. you are going to break hearts with that face of yours. one minute you look so serious, studying something really hard, and having a very good long think, and then you break into a smile, as sudden and as dazzling as the sunniest summers day ever and it is as though the room is filled with a million rays of sunshine. i would walk a gazillion miles for that smile of yours, and just seeing it makes my heart feel as light and as happy as i could ever be.
my whole life i have waited for you, you are the missing piece in my jigsaw and i really hope, with all my living being, that i am doing everything right for you, i am trying so hard to be the best mummy ever and i hope so much i mess it up, as i have messed up so many other things in my life. or maybe that was all just preparation for the journey we are embarking no together, who knows.
what i do know, is i love you, a love so strong, pure and innocent that only a mother could understand. i would die for you a million times over and suffer so that you don't have to but my dream is that i see you grow old and wrinkly, happy and successful in whatever you choose to do. i have made so many mistakes in my life so that you don't have to and one day i may tell you all about them, but not now, my cherub, you are far too young.
you are sleeping peacefully now and i am going to join you and take a good look at you at the end of today, because tomorrow is a new adventure, and i'm sure you have lots of new and amazing things in store for me. you woke me with a kiss this morning, and i will say goodnight with a kiss very shortly. see you in the morning petal,
sweet dreams,
mummy xxxxxx
What a beautiful letter! xx
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