Letter to son, june 2013

We are back at the same holiday home that we stayed at last year.  You are one year older, two inches taller and a hundred times cheekier, more inquiring and more eloquent.  Ive been meaning to write to you since my last letter in Novemeber.  Last winter I first of all had the court case with Darren to contend with and then I was so ill with the mystery skin thing I had and still plagues me in a lesser way today.  I could not write while the court thing dragged on. All I could think of saying to you were so many apologies for not choosing the perfect dad for you. 

But you are you because of the unique set of genes that your father and I have combined and so you wouldn't be you if I had not met your dad.  I wouldnt change you for the world.  You are a unique, kind, strong, funny, clever, compassionate and beautiful inside and out.  You are confident and healthy and can climb, jump and run with such ease that I envy your self assurance and physical ability.   I was always a bit rubbish at physical stuff, you already know this and encourage me to do things I hesitate to do, and help me when I get stuck.  You are an inspiration to me and you make me proud in endless ways.  When I am frustrated,  you help and calm me, when I am hurt, you kiss and comfort me.

You are learning your letters now...your "abcd's" you call them, and you've got me calling them that to!  Sometimes I think we are so alike, or am I adpoting your characteristics while you adopt some of mine, through being so close to each other most of the time?  You are definitively yourself though, a real unique person with likes and dislikes and opinions. Sometimes this leads to disagreements between us but I do only do things for your good, for example trying to make you eat real food and not just sweets and crisps, and not balancing on the kerb in case you fall into the road. As a three year old, I can see that you might think I am just trying to spoil your fun but really my love I just want to keep you healthy and happy and most importantly alive and in one peice. You have a lot to offer the world and I try to let you do as much as I safe and fun as possible. 

I am going to try to write lots more while I am on this holiday.  Every day ithink of things to write to you but being your mum is keeping me busy and tired and at theend of the day I just love to fall asleep to the sound of your gentle snoring and the warmth of your perfect strong body beside me.  Which is what I am going to do now "right away" as you would say.

So so proud of you my love,

Mummy xxxxxxxx

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