more things etc.

8. the way, when he wakes up and sees me, that his face explodes into a look of pure joy

9. the way he giggles when i undress him

10. the way he moulds himself into my neck and shoulder when he sleep, and becomes heavy but wont be put down on his own.

ahh, i love my boy with every inch of my being.

hopefully i'll be up in time to help with some anti bnp leafletting tomorrow - i should do what i can to help ensure that the world i bring my son into is at least not filled with hate. it breaks my heart already to know that at some point in his life, that someone will be horrible to him.

then i have said ill take lilttleun to see his paternal grandmother, a trip i am not looking forward to because of the nastiness with his dad, whom i expect will also be there. nothing would make me happier than to bring my boy up with no involvement from that side of the family but i know that is not fair so i will make some effort at least. not that ill get any thanks for it and probably only grief but i don't want anyone saying i kept him away from his dad. i just don't want him to be alone with his dad, and irresponsible doofus with no common sense at all who thinks its bad to swear in front of your kids but its ok to have violent arguments and leave things like weed lying openly around in large amounts.

you might wonder what i was doing having a kid with someone like that, well, it was an accident that happened on one of the nights he insisted we had sex and i consented just to shut him up. an attempt at rekindling our dead relationship, some time in march last year. but i wont think about that, because it makes me angry and in the end - despite having an unfortunate link with idiotboy now forever - i do have the most wonderful son that has taught me the true meaning of love and has made my life complete.

time for bed now, sweet dreams xx

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