What it's like to be normal
You wake up in the morning, and open the curtains to see the sunlight pouring in. Or the rain, pouring down. You get up, have breakfast, get ready, leave the house, walk the dog, come back and relax or play with your family. A typical day.
What it's like to be a domestic violence/stalking/harassment victim:
You wake up in the morning, and open the curtains. You scan the street too check whether anything is different or out of place. You do the same when the downstairs curtains are opened, if you dare. You carry your phone and keys on your person at all times. You turn the telly on so that you aren't jumping at every little noise outside. You have breakfast and plan to leave the house. You set your Panic Guard, check out of the windows to see if anyone is lurking around. If you are lucky and have a clever dog you can send him out first and watch for his signals. You make sure your rape alarm is within reach. You check the car and test the brakes before you leave the street. You lock the doors from within. You don't walk the dog in the village because that might be risky, given the circumstances. You don't have a routine, because routines will make you vulnerable, your abuser will be able to predict your movements. You walk the dog. Your senses are always on high alert, you scan footpaths and hedges for human shapes. You breathe a sigh of relief when it's only another dog walker. You return home, looking to see if there are any strange cars in the area and if so whether they have anyone sitting in them. Your instincts and senses are on high alert. You go inside, chain, lock and bolt the door. You go to each room in the house and check everything is ok. Only then do you deactivate Panic Guard. You put the kettle on, scanning the garden for changes. You can't sit in front of the windows, in case someone throws a brick through. The curtains are closed at dusk, if you ever dared open them in the first place. Your online privacy is compromised so you are restricted to what you can say. You head to bed early because it feels safer up there than in the living room, aware of every noise outside. You are exhausted.
How to tell if your friend/neighbour/colleague is going through this:
You can't. We smile and joke and and may even appear confident. Maybe this is because we have stopped caring, a long time ago, what anyone thought of us. Maybe this is because we have had to fake happiness in a relationship for so long because showing sadness, hurt or anger would make our partners furious. Maybe sometimes, our shoulders will sag and our eyes will drift off to a far away place. We are only human. You may consider us stand-offish sometimes, calm, even cold. We are expert at hiding emotion. We may want to talk about it. We probably won't. We are not weak little women/men, we are strong, we have to be, we have no choice. We forge ahead, we cope, we manage.
What it's like to be a domestic violence/stalking/harassment victim:
You wake up in the morning, and open the curtains. You scan the street too check whether anything is different or out of place. You do the same when the downstairs curtains are opened, if you dare. You carry your phone and keys on your person at all times. You turn the telly on so that you aren't jumping at every little noise outside. You have breakfast and plan to leave the house. You set your Panic Guard, check out of the windows to see if anyone is lurking around. If you are lucky and have a clever dog you can send him out first and watch for his signals. You make sure your rape alarm is within reach. You check the car and test the brakes before you leave the street. You lock the doors from within. You don't walk the dog in the village because that might be risky, given the circumstances. You don't have a routine, because routines will make you vulnerable, your abuser will be able to predict your movements. You walk the dog. Your senses are always on high alert, you scan footpaths and hedges for human shapes. You breathe a sigh of relief when it's only another dog walker. You return home, looking to see if there are any strange cars in the area and if so whether they have anyone sitting in them. Your instincts and senses are on high alert. You go inside, chain, lock and bolt the door. You go to each room in the house and check everything is ok. Only then do you deactivate Panic Guard. You put the kettle on, scanning the garden for changes. You can't sit in front of the windows, in case someone throws a brick through. The curtains are closed at dusk, if you ever dared open them in the first place. Your online privacy is compromised so you are restricted to what you can say. You head to bed early because it feels safer up there than in the living room, aware of every noise outside. You are exhausted.
How to tell if your friend/neighbour/colleague is going through this:
You can't. We smile and joke and and may even appear confident. Maybe this is because we have stopped caring, a long time ago, what anyone thought of us. Maybe this is because we have had to fake happiness in a relationship for so long because showing sadness, hurt or anger would make our partners furious. Maybe sometimes, our shoulders will sag and our eyes will drift off to a far away place. We are only human. You may consider us stand-offish sometimes, calm, even cold. We are expert at hiding emotion. We may want to talk about it. We probably won't. We are not weak little women/men, we are strong, we have to be, we have no choice. We forge ahead, we cope, we manage.
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