Letter to son: Best day ever, 9 June 2014
Hello Gorgeous,
Well, I did it, we went to the butterfly house and though I felt I had to leave after a third of the way round, I still did it. It was uncomfortable, but I did it, and I am much less reactive around butterflies and other fluttery creatures now. I even took you to an owl handling session. I held the little owl but you did all three, even the really big one. You told me that it's wings cooled your head down. I was so proud of you, you didn't really understand why I could only hold the small one but I explained that it was like you, when you come to a climbing frame that is big and new. First you climb part way up, and I help you down. Next time you might climb to the top, and I help you down and then the next time you probably go all over the top and down the other side with no help at all. Slowly does it.
Anyway, I digress, because the reason I wanted to write today is to demonstrate to you and thank you for all the new things that you have brought into my life. Quite apart from fierce and soul-enhancing love, I'd never have been anywhere near a butterfly or a bird without you, and so thank you, for giving me the inspiration to be brave.
At the moment we are on holiday, we have been coming here for the past three years and it's so great, you and me,our dog, your Aunties, Granny and Grandad, the beaches and the sea. Last year your Aunty N bought you a wetsuit so this year she and I both came with wetsuits too, so that we could enjoy the water with you. Your face as you ran through the waves on the first day back here is a picture that I hope I never forget, it was sheer joy and happiness. The next day we donned our wetsuits and spent the day at the beach, splashing, swimming, getting very very sandy and collapsing exhausted into bed.
Today we went to my favourite beach, and yours too, I think. The sand is soft and it's very quiet, apart from our laughter and the roaring of the waves. We again got wet, and sandy, and I had a little swim, though it was hard in my wetsuit. I laid on my tummy in the shallow water with you and we looked at the grains of sand shifting as the waves did their to-ing and fro-ing and notices the different patterns of the water and the shadows they threw on the sand. Then you covered my hair in sand and I laughed and washed it all off in the sea water and you, me and Aunty N chased each other through the waves.
I laid on my back with the wonderful sensation of the water drifting up and down over my feet and body and I looked upwards to see your beautiful face, smiling with joy, next to a big soggy sandy and happy looking dog against a great big blue sky. I thought right then that was a moment that I will also positively try to remember, so perfect that it was, the kind of "love bubble" moment. Our love bubble is our imaginary bubble of protection, and if we have bad times we imagine it around us, and us three inside it, and remember that whatever happens, or whatever sadness we might find now or in the future, our love will always be there, my love protecting you, your love inspiring me, and the dog watching out for us both.
Then, just as we were about to leave a lady told us that I had almost swum near to the seal, and after a little visual wave-searching we saw it, a real live seal, poking it's head out of the sea and looking right at us. I think that is what made the day so absolutely perfect. The swim, the water, the sense of togetherness, the seal, and, of course, a head full of sand.
None of this, nothing on this page would have been done without you, so thank you, thank you for inspiring me to try new things, to be brave, and crazy and wild and free. Thank you for inspiring me to find out how to deal with emotions, a path that led to mindfulness and ultimately to a new way of enjoying our time together, in the here and now, peacefully, with kindness and love.
This is the Best Holiday Ever, and we are only on day 3. Anyway, I had better go off to bed now so that I've got plenty of energy for tomorrow.
Love you, my kind and amazing, funny and intelligent, totally perfect One,
Your loving,
Mummy
(ps you can spell my name now, and write yours! All of a sudden you have a passion for drawing and writing. BIG Proud Mummy :))))))))
Well, I did it, we went to the butterfly house and though I felt I had to leave after a third of the way round, I still did it. It was uncomfortable, but I did it, and I am much less reactive around butterflies and other fluttery creatures now. I even took you to an owl handling session. I held the little owl but you did all three, even the really big one. You told me that it's wings cooled your head down. I was so proud of you, you didn't really understand why I could only hold the small one but I explained that it was like you, when you come to a climbing frame that is big and new. First you climb part way up, and I help you down. Next time you might climb to the top, and I help you down and then the next time you probably go all over the top and down the other side with no help at all. Slowly does it.
Anyway, I digress, because the reason I wanted to write today is to demonstrate to you and thank you for all the new things that you have brought into my life. Quite apart from fierce and soul-enhancing love, I'd never have been anywhere near a butterfly or a bird without you, and so thank you, for giving me the inspiration to be brave.
At the moment we are on holiday, we have been coming here for the past three years and it's so great, you and me,our dog, your Aunties, Granny and Grandad, the beaches and the sea. Last year your Aunty N bought you a wetsuit so this year she and I both came with wetsuits too, so that we could enjoy the water with you. Your face as you ran through the waves on the first day back here is a picture that I hope I never forget, it was sheer joy and happiness. The next day we donned our wetsuits and spent the day at the beach, splashing, swimming, getting very very sandy and collapsing exhausted into bed.
Today we went to my favourite beach, and yours too, I think. The sand is soft and it's very quiet, apart from our laughter and the roaring of the waves. We again got wet, and sandy, and I had a little swim, though it was hard in my wetsuit. I laid on my tummy in the shallow water with you and we looked at the grains of sand shifting as the waves did their to-ing and fro-ing and notices the different patterns of the water and the shadows they threw on the sand. Then you covered my hair in sand and I laughed and washed it all off in the sea water and you, me and Aunty N chased each other through the waves.
I laid on my back with the wonderful sensation of the water drifting up and down over my feet and body and I looked upwards to see your beautiful face, smiling with joy, next to a big soggy sandy and happy looking dog against a great big blue sky. I thought right then that was a moment that I will also positively try to remember, so perfect that it was, the kind of "love bubble" moment. Our love bubble is our imaginary bubble of protection, and if we have bad times we imagine it around us, and us three inside it, and remember that whatever happens, or whatever sadness we might find now or in the future, our love will always be there, my love protecting you, your love inspiring me, and the dog watching out for us both.
Then, just as we were about to leave a lady told us that I had almost swum near to the seal, and after a little visual wave-searching we saw it, a real live seal, poking it's head out of the sea and looking right at us. I think that is what made the day so absolutely perfect. The swim, the water, the sense of togetherness, the seal, and, of course, a head full of sand.
None of this, nothing on this page would have been done without you, so thank you, thank you for inspiring me to try new things, to be brave, and crazy and wild and free. Thank you for inspiring me to find out how to deal with emotions, a path that led to mindfulness and ultimately to a new way of enjoying our time together, in the here and now, peacefully, with kindness and love.
This is the Best Holiday Ever, and we are only on day 3. Anyway, I had better go off to bed now so that I've got plenty of energy for tomorrow.
Love you, my kind and amazing, funny and intelligent, totally perfect One,
Your loving,
Mummy
(ps you can spell my name now, and write yours! All of a sudden you have a passion for drawing and writing. BIG Proud Mummy :))))))))
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